I wouldnt change one second of our life together

I know you will never get to read this but:

Happy 21st Birthday John!!!

It's such a huge milestone in life and I'm sure Jolyn is doing a great job celebrating it for you. Actually what I planned to do for you is to organise a chalet in Sentosa for 2 nights and invite all your friends and family down to party. I still remember being so happy cause it falls on a Saturday and you would be out from camp and everyone else should be free to attend (: Then after the party we have like the entire chalet to ourselves and we could go frolick around at the beach and have a romantic moonlight dinner. After which we would walk hand-in-hand around, enjoying the scenery and maybe drop by Keppel Island for our tiramisu(though yours is like a million times nicer!). After which, we would walk along the sea like we used to and I would listen to you talk about your life, your friends, golf, family matters and our future. We would then go back to the chalet, and we would bathe together(actually, every time it's just you bathing me hahas) and snuggle into the warm bed with you. We wouldnt fall asleep immediately though. Maybe we would make a round of sweet love(I'm sure you would like that), and we would lie real close to each other hugging, and we would put our faces really near and we would stare into each other's eyes and laugh at how cute we both look.

But whatever. I'm sure what Jolyn did for you today will be like a million times better than what I would do. Maybe she even bought you a Porche or something. She got enough moola anyway =x

Anyway, have a great and blessed year ahead John! Take care in army and hopefully your back problem doesn't trouble you anymore. Cut down on smoking if you can because it really harms your health and I really wish that you live a hundred years. Drive safe.

I love you.

When I came back to Singapore and found out how he left me, I was so disappointed. I always thought our love is worth so much more.

The hugs John and I shared are always special. Our hugs make me feel complete and it seems to connect our hearts.. It feels like his soul reaching deep within mine; it feels like coming home.
We hugged a lot. In fact we hugged as much as we can. When we got home to his house, we would go to his room out of his parent's sight, close the door and hug. We would hug in the lift when he sends me home. We hug on the escalators, during movies, on his bed, while watching TV.. At parties or occasions where other people are around, I would pull him to a quiet corner and we would hug. When he is cooking, I would hug him from behind. When I am washing the dishes after meals, he would come and hug me and it makes the chore so much more enjoyable. When we are alone at home, we would hug and I would fold my legs at his waist and he would walk around the house doing chores with me clinging onto him like a koala bear. When we are bored, we would hug. Sometimes he would drive me to this Yacht Club and we would walk hand-in-hand admiring the beautiful luxurious yachts, and at the end of it there is a lighthouse. We would stand below it, me leaning against the railing, and we would hug in the moonlight. After breakups, we would hug and it is the most wonderful feeling being in his arms again. Once, I was staying over at his house and I woke up in the middle of the night and found him hugging me from behind. It is the sweetest feeling ever and I was so overwhelmed at that moment that I turned around and kissed him. It is a simple gesture that made me want to just stay in that moment forever, hugging him, kissing him and simply just having him beside me. Also, not forgetting the time we were on our second honeymoon in Genting and I woke up from a terrible nightmare of him leaving me. The feeling of seeing him beside me is indescribable. I remember waking him up and sob into his arms. He gave me the tightest hug ever while assuring me of his love. We hugged till I calmed down and we both fell asleep again. There was also that time in KLCC where we pushed my safety gear too deep and I was suffocating on the entire roller coaster ride. I would never forget the moment when we got off and we were so emotional and he hugged me so tightly and told me that he was so terrified of losing me and he would never want that to happen again.

Ever since our breakup, I've been missing our hugs. Friends have been hugging me a lot too, but it's different. What John and I had was special, was deep, was a shared connection and was beyond anyone's imagination- only we could understand the feeling; our hearts beating as one.

All I want to do now is to hug you and never let go.

Just now was walking home from dinner with family. We were strolling back from a different route from which we normally take and it goes past this park right opposite my house. suddenly I was so overwhelmed by memories and emotions. Those times he and I would walk hand in hand round and round the park, chatting, sharing, loving and understanding each other more. It was simple yet blissful. That time we had a huge quarrel for 3 weeks, and he came to find me to ask me to be his again. It was there at the bench, by the dried-up pond that he teared up and i said yes. It was such a heart-warming and emotional moment we both cried. I missed him, i missed him more than words could ever explain. I missed him so much that all i want to do is to hold him close right there till the end of time. I felt like, I came home.

This time, it isn't three weeks. It's already been more than 5 months since I've last seen him. And he belongs to someone else now. Every single day, as much as I don't wanna show it or admit it, is sheer torture. Every single day I have to persuade myself not to cry. Every single day, I experience wave after wave of turmoil, each one harder to suppress, each one bringing back floods of memories.

I miss you John. I miss you so much more than you would imagine or comprehend.
Baby I love you and I know I would for a long long time..

My plan is to forgive and forget; forgive myself for being so stupid, and forget that you ever existed.

I love to see people grieving. Morbid I know. But that’s when their faces betray their innermost emotions. Of regret, of remorse, of denial and of unending love. That’s when people are unguarded. It is this tender moment that you realise how much people hide in their hearts.

Love is willingness to watch someone die and let part of you suffer with him or her. Their agony becomes yours and their tears become your own. Love is when the exit door is flung wide open, it beckons you to run away from burdens and emotional upheavals, and yet you turn resolutely away.

We lie in each other arms, cold nights we snuggle close, thinking what a relief that we have each other. We fight, we cry, we kiss and make up. But the biting words stick, and in the darkest of nights we curl up and lick our wounds. When the kisses and soothing words just don’t work anymore, what are we to do?

We all try to take more than we give, no don’t be indignant, it’s true no matter how you argue. I imagined you to be my infallible hero, someone to sweep me off my feet. I forget that you’re just like me, a victim of our own emotions. I forget that sometimes you just can’t be there for me, and I forget that you have your own battles to fight.

But most of all, I forget how hard you try.

should i tell him?

going to giant to shop later cause of the following reasons
1) got a car to use for 2 hours
2) im sick of being at home
3) miss driving
4) need a energy boost from namely, food so im gonna buy loads of sweets and chocs home
5) ive just used the last piece of ultra-long pad and is desperately in need of more if i dont wanna stain my bed or the sofa
6) need to shop daiso

and the most impt thing is:
7) need a break from studying, im going crazy!!!

gonna break up with john soon

was digging around my abandoned drawer since eons ago when i found an array of long forgotten jewelery..
the most amazing find is this tiffany necklace.. everything is still so beautiful and the rock is still intact.. brought back loads of memories.. i almost forgot how much i loved to accessorize myself
spent hours in the afternoon trying out my pairs of ear rings and matching them with my clothes..
it was the best afternoon i had in months, or even years..

sent darling to pasir ris today.. but before tt we went to carls junior at east coast for dinner..

blogger dont let me upload pictures..

sob

miss darl!!!

wow coolness!
im already picking what movies to watch on board the plane for my boring 6 hours 15 minutes plane journey..
can watch 3 movies!!

wide choice of shows:
SEPTEMBER 2009

Terminator Salvation
GENRE: Action/Adventure
RUNTIME: 115 Min
DIRECTOR: McG
CAST: C. Bale, Sam Worthington
LANGUAGES: English, Japanese, Italian, Cast. Spanish, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
In 2018, the leader of the resistance, John Connor, encounters a mysterious figure from the past as he tries to win the war against Skynet and their army of terminators.

Angels & Demons
GENRE: Drama
RUNTIME: 139 Min
DIRECTOR: Ron Howard
CAST: Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor
LANGUAGES: English, Japanese, French, Italian, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
Robert Langdon discovers a secret brotherhood that poses a threat to the Catholic Church. He heads to Rome to follow a trail of ancient symbols that are the Vatican’s only hope of survival.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
GENRE: Action/Comedy
RUNTIME: 105 Min
DIRECTOR: Shawn Levy
CAST: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson
LANGUAGES: English, Japanese, Russian, German, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG
SYNOPSIS:
When former museum guard Larry Daley discovers that his friends are in jeopardy after being shipped to the Smithsonian Museum, he sets out on a mission to restore order.

The Secret of Moonacre
GENRE: Family/Fantasy
RUNTIME: 103 Min
DIRECTOR: Gabor Csupo
CAST: Ioan Gruffudd, N. McElhone
LANGUAGES: English, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG
SYNOPSIS:
When a teenage girl is left orphaned following her father’s death, she goes to live on her eccentric uncle’s isolated country estate where she discovers all about her secret identity.

The Proposal
GENRE: Comedy/Romance
RUNTIME: 108 Min
DIRECTOR: Anne Fletcher
CAST: S. Bullock, Ryan Reynolds
LANGUAGES: English, French, German, Italian, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
A high-powered book editor who faces deportation to her native Canada convinces her overburdened and harried assistant to pose as her fiancé in order to get around the problem.

City Island
GENRE: Comedy
RUNTIME: 100 Min
DIRECTOR: Raymond De Felitta
CAST: Andy Garcia, J. Margulies
LANGUAGES: English, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: R
SYNOPSIS:
A dysfunctional family tries to get along with each other as their secrets of the past catch up with the lies of the present.

State of Play
GENRE: Drama/Thriller
RUNTIME: 127 Min
DIRECTOR: Kevin Macdonald
CAST: Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck
LANGUAGES: English, Japanese, Russian, Cast. Spanish, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
When the research assistant of a rising young politician is murdered, a reporter is assigned to investigate and soon discovers a cover-up that threatens the nation’s power structures.

Five Minutes of Heaven
GENRE: Drama
RUNTIME: 90 Min
DIRECTOR: Oliver Hirschbiegel
CAST: James Nesbitt, Liam Neeson
LANGUAGES: English, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: NR
SYNOPSIS:
Two men must come to terms with their past if they are to face the future in this tense and powerful award-winning drama that explores the legacy of violence in Northern Ireland.

Management
GENRE: Comedy/Romance
RUNTIME: 94 Min
DIRECTOR: Stephen Belber
CAST: J. Aniston, Steve Zahn
LANGUAGES: English, Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: R
SYNOPSIS:
Following a chance meeting at his parents’ motel, an aimless man pursues a woman who is his polar opposite as the pair embark on a twisted, bumpy, freeing journey of discovery.

LOL (Laughing Out Loud)
GENRE: Comedy
RUNTIME: 99 Min
DIRECTOR: Lisa Azuelos
CAST: C. Theret, Sophie Marceau
LANGUAGES: French, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: NR
SYNOPSIS:
A 15-year-old girl comes to terms with breaking up with her boyfriend in a world of iPods and MSN, while her mother attempts to bridge the communication gap between them.

Phantom Pain
GENRE: Drama
RUNTIME: 94 Min
DIRECTOR: Matthias Emcke
CAST: Til Schweiger, J. Pallaske
LANGUAGES: German, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
A charismatic but unreliable man who fascinates women is forced to re-evaluate his life when he loses a leg in a hit-and-run traffic accident.

The Candidate
GENRE: Thriller
RUNTIME: 95 Min
DIRECTOR: Kasper Barfoed
CAST: L. Christensen, T. Novotny
LANGUAGES: Danish, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
When a defence attorney is accused of murder, he throws himself into the hunt for a group of blackmailers who threaten to expose him as a killer.

The Sicilian Girl
GENRE: Drama
RUNTIME: 108 Min
DIRECTOR: Marco Amenta
CAST: M. Mazzerella, G. Jugnot
LANGUAGES: Italian, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: NR
SYNOPSIS:
A 17-year-old Sicilian girl breaks the code of silence by appearing before an anti-Mafia judge in order to denounce the Mafia system that was responsible for the murder of her family.

Crazy Racer
GENRE: Comedy
RUNTIME: 104 Min
DIRECTOR: Ning Hao
CAST: Jiu Kong, Huang Bo
LANGUAGES: Mandarin, English and Chinese Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
A former champion cyclist now working as a bicycle courier stumbles upon an elaborate plot involving a kick boxer, drug traffickers, ruthless businessmen and mistaken identities.

The Sniper
GENRE: Action
RUNTIME: 83 Min
DIRECTOR: Dante Lam
CAST: Edison Chen, H. Xiaoming
LANGUAGES: Mandarin, Cantonese, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
The commander of a sniper squad discovers that his old partner has been released from prison following a misconduct charge and now has a thirst for revenge.

Lao Wu's Oscar
GENRE: Comedy/Romance
RUNTIME: 100 Min
DIRECTOR: Li Kelong
CAST: Shang Hua, Chen Ying
LANGUAGES: Mandarin, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
A hardworking delivery worker who dreams of writing an Oscar nominated movie script finds a world of possibilities opening up for him when he inherits a huge amount of money.

Dear My Love
GENRE: Drama/Romance
RUNTIME: 129 Min
DIRECTOR: Yoshihiro Fukagawa
CAST: M. Nakamura, Mieko Harada
LANGUAGES: Japanese, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG
SYNOPSIS:
Love letters, sent from husbands to wives and from wives to husbands, quietly voice their unspoken appreciation for each other over the years that they have shared.

April Bride
GENRE: Romance
RUNTIME: 129 Min
DIRECTOR: Ryuichi Hiroki
CAST: Nana Eikura, Eita
LANGUAGES: Japanese, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
Following a blossoming romance, Chie is forced to reveal to Taro that she has been diagnosed with cancer. Unfazed, Taro tries to give Chie hope by planning a magnificent wedding for her.

Where is Ronny
GENRE: Drama
RUNTIME: 92 Min
DIRECTOR: Sim Sang-kook
CAST: Yoo Joon-sang, Robin Shake
LANGUAGES: Korean, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
The director of a taekwondo academys' plan results in bitter defeat when Ronny takes him down with one kick. Obsessed with revenge, the director goes around lurking for him.

Castaway on the Moon
GENRE: Drama
RUNTIME: 116 Min
DIRECTOR: Lee Hae-joon
CAST: J. Jae-yeong, J. Ryeo-won
LANGUAGES: Korean, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG
SYNOPSIS:
A man stranded alone on a desert island becomes the inspiration for change in the lonely and detached life of a girl who has not ventured out of her room for years.

8 X 10 Tasveer
GENRE: Thriller
RUNTIME: 120 Min
DIRECTOR: Nagesh Kukunoor
CAST: Ayesha Takia, Akshay Kumar
LANGUAGES: Hindi, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG
SYNOPSIS:
A young man with a supernatural gift that allows him to delve into the past of dead people discovers that his father did not die in a boating accident but was actually murdered.

Victory
GENRE: Drama
RUNTIME: 142 Min
DIRECTOR: Ajitpal Mangat
CAST: Anupam Kher, Amrita Rao
LANGUAGES: Hindi, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG
SYNOPSIS:
In India, cricket symbolises enthusiasm and excitement to millions. Victory is the story of one such boy whose father wants him to become a cricketer in order to fulfil a cherished dream.

Pasanga
GENRE: Comedy/Family
RUNTIME: 151 Min
DIRECTOR: Pandiraj
CAST: Manonmani, Jeeva, Anbu
LANGUAGES: Tamil, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: PG-13
SYNOPSIS:
At his first day at school, Anbu makes an enemy of the headmaster’s son, Jeeva. As the rift between them widens, their respective families are also drawn into the feud.

Captain Hima
GENRE: Drama/Comedy
RUNTIME: 104 Min
DIRECTOR: Nasr Mahrous
CAST: Ahmad Ratib, Tamer Hosny
LANGUAGES: Arabic, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: G
SYNOPSIS:
Hima is an avid football fan who believes he can achieve his goals and solve all his problems by playing the game.

Ong Bak 2
GENRE: Action/Adventure
RUNTIME: 97 Min
DIRECTOR: Tony Jaa
CAST: Tony Jaa, Sorapong Chatree
LANGUAGES: Thai, English Subtitles
MPAA RATING: NR
SYNOPSIS:
An orphan is trained in a series of different martial arts by a warrior. Using his skills, he sets out on a mission of vengeance against the treacherous warlord who murdered his father.


====
OMG I WANT TO WATCH EVERYTHING!!!!! (:
but how i wish my darling was with me so i could hug him throughout the shows
:(
only can hug his jacket..
sob

wow my plane is HUGE!! it has 56 rows!!! 9 seats per row!!! wow!

2 near-death experiences in the last 3 days
that day, i almost got ran over by a bus.. and today...

this afternoon i was super careful while driving to school for my exam.. i used the expressway and was hoping that it would be the fastest way to school.. i was so intent on driving, i suddenly realise i missed my exit!! not really, but i was almost passing it and im at the first lane!! so many thoughts flew past my mind and i even contemplated with continue driving and getting off of the next exit.. bit i was so scared i would get lost so i made this sudden, but spectacular VERTICAL LANE CHANGE. i practically swerved 90 degrees left and cut across the highway

cars were honking at me and this huge cargo truck was in my blind spot and i swear if it has not swerved out of the way, me and my car would be roti prata.. all the cars were honking at me like crazy..

im so amazed at my bravery!!!

but i was so much terrified by the close shave then i was still shaking when i drove into school

then i made another joke out of myself when i was trying to do parking infront of the CC. i took 15 minutes trying my hardest to park and it was IMPOSSIBLE can! the more i try to correct the car the more ridiculously out of angle my car goes.
in the end i freaking gave up man.
and this group of guys were in another parked car nearby and they practically laughed at me for the entire 15 minutes

fuck!! idiot guys..

i was so embarrassed la!!! halfway i called miao hui for help.. but i dont know how she could help me also since she havent even learn parking yet =x
she just ask me anyhow.
so in the end i anyhowed and gave up trying to fit my car into the lot

almost late for my stupid paper..

DARLING WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME PARKING AR????

gg for tuition!!
*shag*

and damn sad.. last year fly china darling sent me to airport.. this year he isnt even around to give me a goodbye hug.. :(
and somemore i have to take MRT myself.. gotta wake up at 5am and leave house at 5.30am to catch the 5.40am train.. reaching airport arnd 6.50am.. flight at 8.40am..
but sadly, no more darling to kiss and hug at the airport.. gotta think of ways to waste the boring 2 hours away at the airport
:(
miss my bao bei :(

i called singapore airlines to ask abt my flight details cause i have no idea what time its at though its only a few days away
o.0
the guy who picked up was SUPER POLITE.. he ended every single sentence with 'Mdm'

'thank you mdm'
'i'll help you check mdm'
'thanks for your patience mdm'
'may i please have your DOB mdm'
'is there anything else i can help you in mdm?'
etc etc

lol
and he helped me settle EVERYTHING. included my seating(nice window seat at front 3rd row!! whee)and even my meals.. lols!!!
so efficient!!!

but he gave me a booking confirmation number which the website said didnt exist when i tried logging on to SA
=x

suddenly feeling very invidious, infuriated and melancholy all at the same time

why did i go dig up those memories again?
sigh

fuckkk and there was SO MUCH DUST AND WEIRD PARTICLES BLOWING DOWN INTO MY ROOM AND INSTANTLY MY TABLE WAS COVERED BY A FINE LAYER OF THOSE SHIT. NO JOKE. WHEN I WENT TO CLOSE MY WINDOW SOME FLEW INTO MY EYES IRRITATING IT

WAD THE FUCK..
FUCKING MOTHER ASSHOLES

im trying my fking hardest to study here and there renovations going on right above me and ITS FKING IRRITATING THE DRILLING AND KNOCKINGS WENT ON AND ON AND ON
RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

miss my darling so much..
so as usual, i went to find stuffs to read abt NS (:

found this... the song is so cute and the video made me feel closer to darling..


and i found this clip on the crazy 24km march they had to do right before POP



the one of SOC(standard obstacle course):


rahhhh i just typed a long long post but internet got problem everything got erased away
#@!%^$$*&^(*

one year ago, during my DSS lesson, my fking heavy laptop battery charger drop on my toe
a gigantic blood clot resulted, taking 8 months to completely heal
and the pain was insane

and 2 minutes ago, history repeated itself

FUCK

miss my darling
:(
im watching some BMT featured vid on youtube now
watching and crying
totally reminded me of that day i went to sent him off
damn sad
:(

its hilarious!!
in the forum i joined, one of the members is a welfare sgt and he just said this:

whats ur bf's name. i got friend in "U" coy. i can request him to take care of your bf.

leopard i also got friend there. come come tell me.

i wont ask them tekan one la. dont worry. Told u all liao im welfare sgt.

Then everynight my friend will go to ur bf's bunk.. cover blanket for him. Pat him to sleep. Sing song to him.

At night hungry my friends will cook noodles for ur bf. Mosquito bite my friend will scratch for ur bf.

Everything also can.

come report name and platoon and section.

~~~~~~~~
in the end the girl whose bf in Ulysses really went to tell him his bf's name, platoon and section
damn innocent la!!
=x
and damn qiao also.. this girl's bf going to POP on the same day as my bf!!
lolssss

"I think the NS phase is the time we girls become the "gentlemen" "

my bf is the most amazing can!!!
he JUST CALLED ME!!
i was peeing that time and emoing in the bathroom then i heard my phone ringing!! i quickly rushed out and indeed it was him!!
damn happy la!!
called him back and we talked for a while.. a very short while..
:(
he took the chance when he was smoking to call me to say a few words while risking getting caught..
so sweet right!!

(:
then before we end the call i asked him a qn.. i found two very fun apps on the iphone which i fell head over heels in love with but need to pay in order to get the full version..

so i asked darling if i could download them and he straight away said yes!!
(:
without any hesitation
(:
so uber sweet!!

one of the games i checked in the morning still $0.99, but i just checked and it suddenly changed to $2.99
wadddddddddd

and i still need darling's credit card number

now feel like crying so badly cuz i miss darling so much
:(

ome of my guy friends said this:
Celebrating cycles n special occasions is a women's way of counting de joy n marking de growth of love.


TIme is often de very centre of a women's love life.
If you examine de disagreements,conflicts n quarrels you'll discover,perhaps to your surprise,that many of them have to do with time. some examples would be:

1)Conflict over giving time
-Disagreeing how much time you've spend together
-Disagreeing in staying in touch,phonecalls,checking in,etc.

2)Conflict over remembering time
-forgetting to perform promised tasks,e.g making reservation or passing a msg.
-forgetting a impt event,
-forgetting to inform her abt something tt affects de future e.g going for biz trip.

3)Conflict of respecting time
-being late.
-procrastinating abt doing de things u say u will do.
-diminishing de singnifincacce of an event a women think is impt.

4)Conflict over planning time
-waiting until last min to make plans.
-criticizing your partner for wanting to plan in advance.

5)Conflict over celebrating time
-disagreeing on how to celebrate special ocassions
-disagreeing on what consitutes to a special ocassion
-forgetting birthdays,annivesaries,etc.


Time is something women are very initimate with, and therefore something women honour n hold sacred.

Women have a sacred relationship with time.

it is programmed in de women's biology. they are natural timekeepers.
since when women are young they began counting. as their body cycles in a monthly rhythm(mensturstal). it is where they first learn their habit of counting.
men however don't do it.
The counting n watching of time continues through their lives, as they get preganant ,de stages of birth,de growth of a child,de feeding n meal time,etc.

Women expereince each increment of time as lasting longer than men expereince de same increment of time. e.g dog's life span vs humans.

so advices for guys out there,
when you dont seem to be aware of how much time has passed since you last spoke to women or last seen her,or spend special time with her, or when you forget impt events in time, women will end up feeling like you don't care

omg.. im finding my soul in that forum..
a girl said this which is so true:

ya true. as time goes by, other den sharing wat you both did for the day. nth else really can share about le. cause when u start talking about ur side. ur SO may be sensitive and paranoid sometimes. i noe its natural. but why cant they just think that we are waiting n worrying for them the whole day yet they speak nonsense.

ya, some times we will remain silence. coz nth to talk about as SO is tired oso. so we just end de day itself. but once i put de fone down. i starts to feel that actually i still have lots to say. but just dunno how to form into sentence.

==

omg.. found a scary aspect of how things could turn out:

QUOTE (nitedreamer @ Aug 6 2009, 05:00 PM) *
its been so long i kinda get over d miss n sad part now become angry at him already.haha! sometimes cant even be bothered to talk to him. lol
~

understand. totally lol i don't get upset anymore.. talk on the phone also can piss each other off. maybe you're too used to being 'alone'. so u dont rly need him around. thus, it doesnt matter if he calls or not.

===
omg.. hope me and darling wont get to this stage. if not will really be so sad lor
:(

i just saw this in the forum:

Personally, I think men should never complain abt us girls. We sacrifice ourselves so mcuh for them lur. When our men are out there, girls will worry and lose their sleep and think abt them all day. When we girls are out there, men will be running around with other girls 75% of the time dry. HOW CAN LIKE THAT ONE?!?!?!


==
lol

ive found the most amazing place to cheer myself up
been missing dear all day and wallowing in sadness
but i found this forum where all the girls whose bfs are in NS come tgt and chat
(:
feel so much better now
(:
and NS like so scary la.. all their bfs got like rashes, fever(gotten from sleepless nights in field camp, staying awake protecting rifle in order not to get confined), back aches, pain from internal organs blah blah
:(

aircon is bliss

rarrrrrr
miss my stupid bf who abandoned me
:(

i miss darling so much that i went to the NS website to look around just to comfort myself. and i found some videos of BMT-life which i'd been watching for the past few hours

feeling so much closer to him and his life now..

such a long separation from him makes me feel so distanced from him..
sigh
miss my baby
:(

finally my test is over..
didnt eat the entire day and didnt have appetite at all.. but after the test i was starving like crazy and wishing to have food laid out in front of me..

today reached there damn early at 1.55pm.. was only supposed to report at 2.10pm.. waited damn long at the warmup area. made some friends while there.. damn sweet lor. got two girls their bf came to support them.. then damn tian mi..
:(
i so lonely there.. and nervous... and freaked out
:(
at 2.20pm, instructors started coming and calling out names to go for warm up. my instructor was the last to come lor!! made me wait DAMN long.
got to the car, adjusted my seat, mirrors and aircon blah blah, then went to do the circuits.. went quite well, then proceeded to the road. didnt go far. just turn one round then come back already..
and these, altogether cost 300 bucks+++ can?!! got vehicle rental fee, instructor fee and circuit fee. wtf? and i only used the car for like 10 minutes?
waste my money
got back, then the couples were 'tian mi mi-ing' together.. so i went to the toilet and went into the room to wait for instructions.. damn bored inside. one of the girls came back so i chatted with her to calm myself down
(:
we both damn nervous and we chatted alot.. hahas
(:
so we waited from 3.05pm all the way to 3.40pm, doing nothing!
got more and more nervous by the minute and i was so convinced that i would fail..
:(
finally, testers started coming and guess what, mine is the last to come again!!!
damn wad lor. i was thinking how come i so suey. then the guy(2nd last to go) beside me told me that last to go better, cause the people infront can open the way for us..
didnt really get his point but he made me feel so much calmer.

my tester took really long to come and when he finally arrived at the room, he reeked of cigs lor. bet he was busy smoking before tt la.
i went to my car while my tester went to do sth else. guess what! i couldnt find my car!! lol. i panicked damn bad!! then in the end one instructor help me find the car which was right in front.
=x
so i got into the car, and miraculously i felt damn calm after i started the engine.. checked my mirrors and waited for the tester to come.
all went ok. i really thought i did great..
and i was super happy cause the steering of the car i got was light and when i did my circuit, there were no cars around!! all the test cars were out on the road already, and it was another ten minutes to the next slot of driving lessons so there were absolutely no other moving cars around! damn shiok!
(:
road was ok too! but my tester refused to tell me which test route im taking!! he just said,"dont care about test route. just follow my instructions.."

i got damn nervous about this concept at first lor.. but luckily he gave clear instructions so i was able to follow perfectly. and a few times he even gave comments like,"you may turn after the green car pass"
helped me alot
(:
what almost screwed me up was the test car in front. it kept stopping in the middle of the road for nothing and it kept braking for nth!!! damn irritating la!!! then on the road where the speed limit is 70km/h, it went at 40km/h..
damn what..
a few times i was forced to last minute brake la...
sigh..
anyway, got back to school safely..
(:
whee!~~
followed tester upstairs and he went to print my results out while i had to wait for him in a room.. met those two girls and they've both already gotten their results(passed) and they wished me luck..
waited a bit and finally tester came walking into the room.. first thing he said was,"so far so good.."
then he asked me to not take things for granted on the roads next time and show me my results.
a beautiful pass!!
(:
whee~~~
so i proceeded downstairs for a briefing for those who passed. met those girls. one of the bf bought her food while the other came with a cake and newly bought P plate lor then she told me the bf gg celebrate for her ltr..
so jealous of them..
:(

they made us watch a stupid video with damn gross and bloody pics of accident victims in an attempt to scare us to not speed..
my eyes were closed half the time
=x
then finally after the vid, we were asked to go second floor to get our license done.. whee!!
(:
i got a queue ticket and went downstairs to have my picture taken. damn lousy quality and no skills one. my pic turned out looking like shit
:(
went back up and waited for approx 20 minutes before my number got called. very fast after tt. paid 50 bucks for my new license and got a tempo one before my real one gets mailed to me..
whee
(:
went home a happy girl

daddy wanted to celebrate for me one but tonight got some stupid guest come my hse so bo bian lor
:(
sadded
no one celebrate for me!! i so poor thing!!
:(
sob

thanks for everyone's wellwishes though!!
(:
muack muack muack!

im totally contemplating whether to wear something sexy to distract my examiner later so hopefully he wont notice me mounting a curb if i did..

=x
but i think this plan will probably fail cause i dont have boobs, meaning no hot bod
:(

im a bundle of nerves right now and thinking of all the consequences i'll face if i do fail
:(

ive been feeling completely wired for the entire morning

sweating like crazy, and its not cause of the heat at all


been examining the checklist, and the more i realise how easy it is to lose points, the more jittery i got

im SUPER scared tt i would mount a curb cause thats an immediate failure!! and I'd just mount a curb yesterday in the S course!!! totally unbelievable and i could never figure out just how i managed to do that! and sometimes im not quite stable with my vertical parking too
:(

as for on the road, im just worried that people will disturb and im scared of lane changing too :(
hopefully there wont be much cars today

God bless me!

darling called me at 9.33pm!!
so thrilled!!!
he had to talk damn soft and he tried to talk as little as possible so as not to get caught
talked till 9.51pm!!
feel so happy lurh!!
maybe this field camp wont be as bad as i thought since i still get to hear darling's voice everyday!
(:
but he damn poor thing. he got to march a lot carrying heavy stuffs, got to dig holes and goodness knows what else. and his officers all fierce like shit
:(

sigh
bad headache now.
think i'll turn in early tonight bahh

i always weight when darling is not around cause i will lose my appetite
:(
he has yet to call me today
:(
think either he failed to sneak his phone in, or still having training and no chance to drop me a sms yet
praying that its the 2nd one cause he will be in deep trouble if he gets caught sneaking it in

==
vanessa hudgens apparently didnt learn her lesson in 2007 when her first nudge pics got distributed online.
now, she did it again!

http://news.limauais.com/must-see-vanessa-hudgens-hot-pictures/

her nipples are HUGE btw
(:

missing dear so bad!
:(
its like the 1st two weeks again. sufferings and more sufferings
:(

sometimes i feel so lonely and no longer loved anymore
:(
hopefully he smuggled his phone to field camp and will be able to msg me tonight..
dno how he is doing inside
sigh
:(
driving test tmr... am soso nervous. darling not around to support me or even celebrate for me if i get my license
sadded

:'(

there goes my beloved LV wallet/bag
:(

my dad lost all his money in china AGAIN
seriously, everytime he go china he will lose money. and everytime its not a small amount. always 1k abv
just the last time, he lost 10k
how could anyone be so stupid la seriously?
and now he lost ALLLLLL his money again! ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
he didnt even spend a single cent there, wanting to save the money up cause currently my family's financial not that great
then he lost all of it

sigh
he should have totally headed to get my wallet/bag/both once he touch down so at least the money will be well-spent
sigh
:(
sadded